the lamb to the slaughter

to love is to see the face of god.

[ independent rp blog, will rp with anyone! i track songbirdofsorrow, feel free to message me or make a starter anytime. i don't own anything on this blog except the character and the writing. please do not steal any of it. for more info on the character, see the links above. may be triggers and possible nsfw ]

And you didn’t give me the option to make up for it!” And just like that he was once more snapping at her, his face though showing an emotion of desperation and only anger buried beneath his own guilt. That was right, he felt guilty something he had never done - he had bitten her and yet he could not remember that night. Could not ask her, Winnie was slipping through his fingers once again and though he wasn’t certain if he wanted to hold onto her, if it would be the best thing, but still he did it without thinking. “You can’t just keep running from me.

Truthfully he didn’t know what more he could say, there was no convincing her if she did not want to stay, but she had always been his light even if his own darkness was drowning it. Physically he stopped her by reaching out and grabbing her hand, holding it tightly in his nearly sighing at being able to feel her once again, but it was bitter here. She was leaving and he was yelling, something that seemed to unfortunately be the normal for them and he should let her walk away from him, but he was selfish and he still wanted everything she was. “You came back for a reason, so tell me what was it?

Her eyes moved over his face, searching for something and wincing at the desperation and pain she found there. And anger, too. She wanted nothing more then to sooth away, run her fingers along the familiar planes of his face and just make everything better, everything alright. But whether or not he would even accept her touch right then, she wasn’t sure, and she shouldn’t touch him anyway - they were yelling at each other, then was not the time for a show of affection. Just like that, her anger drained, and it showed in her face as simple sadness took over. “Running from you? Is that what you think I do?” She whispered, shaking her head and looking away. It pained her to see him right then. “Oh Elijah.” There was some desperation in her voice as she pressed a hand to her head.

How had they turned out like this? If she was going to leave for good, she didn’t want to remember them fighting. She wanted the good memories. The feel of his hand grabbing hers, just his touch, shocked her enough to lift her eyes, wide-eyed like a doe, and stare him. “I came back because I love you.” Loved? She added mentally. “Because I missed you. Shouldn’t that be enough?” Her voice quavered , like a wire pulled too taut, and with a sigh, she gave in to the temptation to touch him. She stepped forward, fingers moving along his jaw, a familiar gesture that pained her to do because of it’s familiarity. With a recklessness - since she wasn’t sure if she’d see him again after this, after all - she leaned up and touched her lips to his. It was very chaste, but it made her nostalgic. It made her miss him even more, even while standing in his presence.

It took everything within him physically not to react, not to reach out just so suddenly as she had slipped to the ground - smelling the salt of her tears. Fists clenched at his sides keeping them busy or else he reach out to touch her, tilt her chin up and wipe away the tears he had once upon a time done. Like he had always done and looking back now all he could see and remember was wiping away her tears. Something he should not have been so familiar with as he was and that feeling bubbled up into his chest once more, one practically screaming at him to just leave her that he could possibly do nothing more, nothing worse. Yelling that staying near and around her was crippling for them both, but still just like back then he latched onto that innocence of Winny and for once it was not to destroy it, though truth was there were moments he manipulated it for himself. But Elijah did not want her to loose it. did not want to so completely break it like he did with all others. He wanted her to keep it and he wanted to keep her - keep that innocence in her if only so he could touch it, taste it on his tongue and that he found was only a small fraction of what made her so addictive to him.

Hearing her admit though to not knowing what to do when so terrified made something constrict in his chest and choke in his throat. “Did you trust me so little?” Elijah did not mean for the words to come out as biting and…bitter as they did - they were a growl through clenched teeth fighting back the sudden and all-consuming emotion only she could ever inspire and drown him in. Even after all this time he found he was still helpless to it. “You could, SHOULD have come to me. Instead you run only to literally show up on my doorstep. I promised I would protect you back then and you didn’t even give me the option!” Steadily he was loosing his patience once more as well finding his anger rising in the fact he couldn’t seem to conjure up that anger for her. He wanted to hurt her perhaps like she had him, but the thought of doing something so low to her sickened him. Watching her hands shake he felt that physical urge and yet before he could force himself to not react he was already gripping her much smaller and paler hands in his own; pulling her back to her feet. Hand hovered by her face battling with himself wanting to feel that familiar touch of her skin against his palm, to as he had said before so many times brushed the tears away and reveal her face from behind her hair.

He did neither however, instead just allowed his hand to hover before falling back to his side. It was funny how so much as the same and yet at the same time so much different - how much more different he knew they were to become. Winny was something special he muse to himself - he had slipped so grandly around her and still found himself trying to collect it all and wondering if he would still all that much more. It would have been better to leave and he liked to lie to himself that she would and he would erase it from his mind. That he would let her walk out and away again and completely forget he ever saw her again. Could even forget her for a second time when he had never such a thing the first time; could go on with his life and in some ways it was nothing and everything he wanted. It was something he craved right then - to just forget. Dark eyes looked at her with that same calculating and critical darkness she would no doubt remember, be able to recognize, but just like her Elijah was not the same as back then. “As I see it I can not simply let you leave. Newly turned are such..volatile creatures.” Elijah spoke coldly as if thinking out loud; stepping to the side the door still open behind him he motioned to-ward it ushering her in. “Your a mess I can not afford to ignore.

She was angry, yes. But Winny was not someone that lashed out. That had been curbed out of her, and she’d never been the type in the first place. But she wanted to. He was so frustrating, the way he refused to listen to her, to listen to her words. And she hated crying in front of him. Maybe it was because it was natural, because she was used to it, to being able to relax in his presence. Damn him. Watery blue eyes lifted to stare at him, to listen to him yell at her as if scolding a little child. Oh, and she had plenty to say to that. She let him pull her up, but just as quickly, yanked out of his touch as if he had burned her. Eyes narrowed as if she was getting ready for a war of sorts, and perhaps she was, she brushed her hair back off her shoulders, throwing the golden strands down her back and out of her face. With a quick swipe of her hand, she manged to at least erase most of the evidence that she’d even been crying in the first place, lifting her chin a notch as if daring him to continue. But when he didn’t, she spoke, and even if her voice was slightly watery and wavered a bit, it was still a strong tone. “Do I trust you so little?” She repeated incredulously, and fell back another step as if the force of saying the words knocked her back.

"You thick-headed wolf." For once, her voice dropped to a growl, shaking slightly, whether from her sadness or her anger. "I didn’t give you the option? I gave you so, so many options. But YOU WERE THE ONE WHO BIT ME.” Her voice raised to a yell, shaking at the end like a wire pulled taut. She was shaking with rage, but it wasn’t towards him. No, never towards him. Towards herself, yes. Because she had been the one who had left and he was right, but she couldn’t stand it, especially not when he was staring at her as he was now, with all that coldness. Another step back, this one bringing her to the edge of the stairs, and it was clear in her eyes that she was on the edge of bolting.

Blue eyes flickered briefly to the open door before she shook her head, running a hand through her hair, the strands twining around her fingers as she gave a gentle tug. She couldn’t look at him then, not when he was removed. It was difficult to breathe, with all that anger and sadness and emotion weighing heavily on her chest. For a moment, her eyelids closed, whether because she was making some sort of decision or simply because she needed the silence for a moment or too. A deep rattling breath followed and she took another step back, hand bracing on the railing. “I think I should leave. That would be best.” She said in a much more composed voice, eyes flickering momentarily to him as if to gauge his reaction, then suddenly realizing that she shouldn’t be doing that at all, she turned away.


Surprise over-took him, forcing his face and head to whip to the side as she struck out at him; shock even that this woman he had known…knew so intimately on both a physical, emotional and mental level had surprised him so largely. Winny was not violent…he had always been so sure of that and yet there she stood before him glaring so hatefully to-ward him and the mere idea that she indeed hated him, could hate him was shattering. Stumbling back at her hands pressing against his chest he was numbed - not looking at her not wishing to see the tears and the emotion and the pain. To see the hurt and the fear….and the hate. Still though there was something that he was not even aware of that reached out grabbing her wrist as her balled ups fists struck against his shoulders and chest stopping her assault and finally allowing him too realize what it was she had told, no been screaming at him in such a fit of rage. He had bitten her. The realization slammed into him full force and yet still…-using his grip on her wrist he pulled her close finally turning to look at her, lowering his face closer to hers. “And your answer was too run?” He almost sounded hurt, the admission making the entire sordid affair and history just that much worse. “To not tell me…to just leave?” Again his voice began to rise above that whisper, but he found enough control to keep it from reaching the level of her own yelling. “You made that choice. Instead of telling me you decided to simply run away, so again I repeat I owe you nothing.” Elijah was hiding the pure panic swelling his chest; releasing her wrist his eyes never left hers.

The wolf had turned the lamb.

She regretted it as soon as the anger disappeared, evaporating as soon as it had come. Her hands dropped and she would’ve too if he hadn’t been gripping her wrist, pulling her close. For a moment, she was lost in the familiar sensation, in the heat of his body, and it was enough to soothe her. Soothe away the pain she felt, the anger and even the hatred - although that she’d never be able to feel for him, never really, because she still loved him even if it hurt her. She blinked at his words, at the hurt tone of his voice, and she lost all will to fight him, to yell at him and scream at him and tell him exactly what he’d done because he didn’t understand. She’d never told him - who she was, what she was, what she could do. He thought she was only human. It was partially her fault, she thought, which, in the end, made it all her fault. She pulled away from him, but as soon as his grip was off, she dropped to the ground, leaning against the side of the house, her eyes closed as tears leaked silently down her cheeks. She didn’t want him to see her crying. That would only make matters worse. “I was scared.” She whispered, her voice quivering. “I was terrified, Elijah. I didn’t know what to do.” Her hands were shaking, so she clutched them tightly together and pressed them into her lap, her hair falling to hide her face. She didn’t know how to make it better and her presence was just making it worse. She should leave, she knew. But after she got her strength back. 


You OWE ME and explanation!” He demanded taking a step closer as she herself did causing them to become pressed chest to chest. “You just left…YOU JUST FUCKING LEFT WINNY! But I owe you?” His scoff was unbelieving if not somewhat mocking - the growl building his chest and clawing its’ way into his throat demanding to be heard. He would never reveal the panic suddenly clenching his entire being at her mention of leaving once again; everything so suddenly was raw and too real. He never thought he would see her again and had even wiped her from his mind, forgotten about her only for her to come crashing back into his life. Obviously the reunion was not shaping up to be all that happy. It was the tears however that had him reeling back and giving her back that space - Elijah never could stand to see her tears. Never cared and was even annoyed by anothers’ but when they were hers….eyes flashed momentarily with his own regret suddenly before they returned to their hardened state. “I was not the one who left. I owe you nothing.

Her eyes flew open wide as he took a step closer, her head tilting back to meet his livid gaze. “You think I owe you?” Her voice quivered like a wire pulled taut. The contempt, the disbelief and mocking directed at her was enough to bring out something else in her. Elijah had always been able to do that - to take away all the fear and just replace it with whatever else. In some cases, love. But in cases like then, it was anger. Her eyes were still shining with tears, but her gaze had hardened and when he took a step back, she followed, one hand fisted on the hem of her shirt as she struggled to keep a tight leash on the haze of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. “You do too owe me! How… how dare you!” She was struggling to speak past her anger now, her breathing heavy, and in a sudden fit, she struck out at him. The slap was hard and resounded in the small space, but she wasn’t done yet. “You. Bit. Me.” She slammed her hands into his chest, not caring that she was severely weaker then him and if he were to strike back, she’d be unable to do anything. “You bit me!” She repeated, her voice rising to a yell.


Looking at her he knew it was her - there was no other explanation and he KNEW that it was Winny standing before him shaking like that little lamb he always knew her to be. Truthfully seeing her again after so long nothing had changed atleast not physically as he could see. And while a surge of excitement shot through his bones, so did his own anger..perhaps hurt? Elijah would not admit to loving her in words, more than likely would deny it if asked, but if it was not love it was something only steps from or the only form of love he knew or could express. It was that emotion that had him reaching out to grasp her chin and cheeks in his own hand turning her down-ward face to meet his eyes. “Then why did you come? Why are you back?” His voice and words were a growl though even now he could not truthfully harm her physically; in his minds’ eye she was still that fragile innocent human he had found and twisted around to his liking, but as well had grown an attachment to. That same little scared human who one day just disappeared  to now land on his door-step literally claiming she should not have been there. No, he wasn’t playing such games with her. “Answer me, Winny.“  Her name still tasted the same on his tongue…but now left a bitter after-taste.

She expected hurt. She had prepared herself for it, but it still physically hurt, her heart clenched at the look in his eyes. When he touched her, she jerked back as if he had shocked her, stumbling back and catching herself on the railing of the house. There was still some anger and distrust for her there, some disbelief in what had happened. There was a faint shaking in her fingers, which she quickly hid by clutching onto the hem of her shirt. Wide-eyed, she lifted her chin a notch and stared back at him, her bottom lip quivering faintly every time she took a breath in. “Because.” She paused, her eyes flickering away briefly as if she couldn’t exactly find a reason. “Because you owe it to me and I owe it to you.” She took a step back at his demanding tone, but then something else flashed in her eyes, something that she had learned only to use around him and it was suddenly as if she had never left at all. “Don’t order me around. You don’t own me, Elijah. I’ll leave soon, no need to worry.” Her eyes were a bit watery but she bit back the tears. “But you owe it to me.” She repeated, and this time, her voice wavered with some sort of indescribable emotion.


He should have realized something was off, having not come across that scent in such a long period of time. Once upon a time it was so unique and had been so infused with own, but he mused years of not experiencing or being around said scent left him a bit off…if not unaware. Which was obvious from the confused and stunned look crossing his features. It was a surprise in itself that anyone was even knocking at his door - Elijah not bothering to set down the bottle in his hands before opening. He was lucky now however he did not drop it at seeing who was on the other side. Nothing had changed about her….but her scent which caused even more confusion. “Winny….


She didn’t know what she was doing there. Not really. She shouldn’t be there at all. She’d left him. Not a word, nothing to tell him she was going, but she had been frightened and like the scared little rabbit she was, she had fled. Her hands were shaky as she knocked, moving back quickly as if she was afraid the door would bite her, clutching the hem of her shirt. Her head was lowered a bit, the image of demure and fearful. She looked exactly as the spineless coward she knew she was. Seeing him, however, was a shock. It was like having cold water dumped on her, like being electrified. For a second, she stood frozen, staring at him wide-eyed. When he spoke her name, it was enough to bring her out of her reverie. “Hello… Elijah.” She managed and looked away. She couldn’t bring herself to actually look at him. “I… I shouldn’t be here.” She mumbled and took another step closer, just barely managing not to bolt although everything in her screamed to do just that. To run as far away as possible and to never look back.